Manners, Customs, Clothing
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What Is the Proper Use of Heels & Make-up?
Dear Tradition in Action,
Thank you very much for the article on veganism, it was very helpful.
I'm writing on the question of the proper use of heels and make-up. I attend an SSPX chapel and I have a feeling some of the faithful are tending to the puritanical point of view when it comes to makeup and heels.
I like to look proper and I see Mass as a formal event so I put in effort in my appearance. I use make-up but not in an extravagant way and I like to wear stilettos but not 6 inches heels, just formal 4 inches heels, but to the fashion police in my chapel I'm not moderate, I'm drawing attention to myself and I'm just giving in to my vanity. I have acne scars and patches on my face, makeup helps hide those blemishes. Quite frankly, makeup is tiring to me and really wish I didn't have to wear it and that I have so much blemish.
Now, my fiance agrees with the fashion police and thinks I shouldn't be on heels every Sunday even after I tried to explain that my dresses which are formal and modest cannot go with flat shoes because they are casual.
I have been accused of taking advantage of modesty to feed my vanity. It is true that, due to my sanguine temperament, I tend to be vain but I'm working on that. But, I feel because I'm given to vanity doesn't mean dressing well is vain but I also have doubts that maybe my vanity is what is speaking so I decided to write to you for clarification.
I have read the article DRESSING WELL: VANITY OR VIRTUE but I want to know what you have to say about the use of makeup and wearing of heels. Thank you.
Yours in the risen Christ
L.M.
TIA responds:
Greeting L.M.,
We are edified that you place your confidence in us on these personal issues and will do our best to respond to your questions.
Regarding the issue of pride, we do not believe it is vanity to want to try to appear well by dressing in a dignified and at the same time modest way, without being dowdy or puritanical.
Of course, vanity can enter because we are humans with original sin, but, as
Prof. Plinio says in the article you cite
Dressing Well, Vanity or Virtue?:
"In everything man does, an abuse can enter. One can abuse intelligence, courtesy, dressing well, and even virtue, since a person can become proud of the virtue he practiced. This is not a reason to abandon civilized customs; rather they should be practiced with a vigilant eye turned toward curbing and controlling one’s vanity."
He then counsels that the dress of a Catholic man or woman "should be serious, dignified and distinguished."
Having said this, let us turn to the practical questions you make:
Regarding high heels: It seems to us that wearing stiletto heels (above 2 or 3 inches as defined here) - vs. kitten heels (less than 3 inches) is not advisable for Catholic ladies. One of the "pros" mentioned by many of the stiletto advocates is that the shoe is considered "very sensual," specifically because they attract the attention of men to a woman's legs. It seems quite reasonable that your fiancé would not like his future wife to be drawing the attention of other men to her legs.
A Catholic lady should always be careful about wearing something that is "in style," especially in modern times when sensuality reigns supreme; in fact, the stiletto is even described as a "fetish object" of our days.
It seems to us that it violates all three of the guidelines presented above: instead of serious it is extravagant; instead of dignified it is seductive; instead of distinguished (e.g. classic) it is faddish. If you wish to wear a more formal shoe for Mass in order to present yourself in a dignified way at Mass, we recommend choosing the shorter heels.
Regarding make-up: Today there is something called the "no-makeup" makeup look that seems a good solution for young women who desire to cover blemishes or slightly enhance their features. The perfect make-up for a young Catholic women, in our opinion, is either none at all, or to appear to be wearing none or very little. For, God in His Goodness gave youth a natural beauty. Purity and innocence have a particular shine and attraction that far transcends the product of the modern-day 'makeup artist.'
Since your fiancé does not like make-up, and you would like to cover your blemishes, it seems that this
"no-makeup" makeup look could be the solution for your quandary, that is, to cover your blemishes with a light makeup that does not look like make-up. We also suggest using natural products and methods to promote your skin’s health, so that fewer blemishes will appear.
A question of submission
Finally, in closing, we ask your amiability to permit us an observation.
If your fiancé makes requests regarding your clothing and make-up, you should respect his authority as the future head of the family you are going to become after your marriage, and submit without arguments or question to his will. This is how the well-constituted Catholic family of the past operated.
The wife submitted to the husband, even if she had different opinions, tastes or assessments of a situation. We are speaking here, of course, about all matters excepting those that involve bad morals or sinful behavior. In this article, Msgr. Henri Delassus sets out well the crucial importance of the authority of the father, who should wield an "almost royal power in the family."
We would suggest you read this article on the Submission of Wives to Husbands, following the directive of St. Paul: "Wives, be subject to your husbands." As the article notes, none of the Popes since Pius XII (and he, sadly, only very rarely) has spoken on the authority of the husband in the marriage. Thus, in today's family we find the man's authority seriously undermined, if not completely collapsed.
Unless there be a single head in a social organism, in this case, the father over the family, that institution will break down, which is what has happened in the last few centuries where Liberal and egalitarian ideas have dominated and prevailed.
When the Father, the head of the family, maintained his authority, over his wife and children, then families were as we saw them in the past: strong, sound and able to resist the most furious tempest. This is the family that the counter-revolutionary Catholic should aim to restore, it is one of the most basic and important steps toward the re-construction of a Christian Civilization.
Since you are not yet married, you still have the opportunity to leave the engagement if you find you cannot submit to your fiancé’s decisions in this matter that does, indeed, involve morals, and where he is taking a stricter - not looser - approach to modesty in dress than your own. This question of dress can providentially provide you the opportunity to reflect upon your role as wife and consider the submission you will owe your future husband, and help you to resolve to follow the sound Catholic customs and tradition that ordered the family - and society - so well in the past.
We hope this is of help to you.
Cordially,
TIA desk
Posted July --, 2022
Thank you very much for the article on veganism, it was very helpful.
I'm writing on the question of the proper use of heels and make-up. I attend an SSPX chapel and I have a feeling some of the faithful are tending to the puritanical point of view when it comes to makeup and heels.
I like to look proper and I see Mass as a formal event so I put in effort in my appearance. I use make-up but not in an extravagant way and I like to wear stilettos but not 6 inches heels, just formal 4 inches heels, but to the fashion police in my chapel I'm not moderate, I'm drawing attention to myself and I'm just giving in to my vanity. I have acne scars and patches on my face, makeup helps hide those blemishes. Quite frankly, makeup is tiring to me and really wish I didn't have to wear it and that I have so much blemish.
A difference in taste or something more?
I have been accused of taking advantage of modesty to feed my vanity. It is true that, due to my sanguine temperament, I tend to be vain but I'm working on that. But, I feel because I'm given to vanity doesn't mean dressing well is vain but I also have doubts that maybe my vanity is what is speaking so I decided to write to you for clarification.
I have read the article DRESSING WELL: VANITY OR VIRTUE but I want to know what you have to say about the use of makeup and wearing of heels. Thank you.
Yours in the risen Christ
L.M.
______________________
TIA responds:
Greeting L.M.,
We are edified that you place your confidence in us on these personal issues and will do our best to respond to your questions.
Regarding the issue of pride, we do not believe it is vanity to want to try to appear well by dressing in a dignified and at the same time modest way, without being dowdy or puritanical.
The stiletto and sheer hoisery: designed to attract attention of men to a woman's legs
"In everything man does, an abuse can enter. One can abuse intelligence, courtesy, dressing well, and even virtue, since a person can become proud of the virtue he practiced. This is not a reason to abandon civilized customs; rather they should be practiced with a vigilant eye turned toward curbing and controlling one’s vanity."
He then counsels that the dress of a Catholic man or woman "should be serious, dignified and distinguished."
Having said this, let us turn to the practical questions you make:
Regarding high heels: It seems to us that wearing stiletto heels (above 2 or 3 inches as defined here) - vs. kitten heels (less than 3 inches) is not advisable for Catholic ladies. One of the "pros" mentioned by many of the stiletto advocates is that the shoe is considered "very sensual," specifically because they attract the attention of men to a woman's legs. It seems quite reasonable that your fiancé would not like his future wife to be drawing the attention of other men to her legs.
A Catholic lady should always be careful about wearing something that is "in style," especially in modern times when sensuality reigns supreme; in fact, the stiletto is even described as a "fetish object" of our days.
It seems to us that it violates all three of the guidelines presented above: instead of serious it is extravagant; instead of dignified it is seductive; instead of distinguished (e.g. classic) it is faddish. If you wish to wear a more formal shoe for Mass in order to present yourself in a dignified way at Mass, we recommend choosing the shorter heels.
Regarding make-up: Today there is something called the "no-makeup" makeup look that seems a good solution for young women who desire to cover blemishes or slightly enhance their features. The perfect make-up for a young Catholic women, in our opinion, is either none at all, or to appear to be wearing none or very little. For, God in His Goodness gave youth a natural beauty. Purity and innocence have a particular shine and attraction that far transcends the product of the modern-day 'makeup artist.'
A make-up that appears little or not at all
A question of submission
Finally, in closing, we ask your amiability to permit us an observation.
If your fiancé makes requests regarding your clothing and make-up, you should respect his authority as the future head of the family you are going to become after your marriage, and submit without arguments or question to his will. This is how the well-constituted Catholic family of the past operated.
The wife submitted to the husband, even if she had different opinions, tastes or assessments of a situation. We are speaking here, of course, about all matters excepting those that involve bad morals or sinful behavior. In this article, Msgr. Henri Delassus sets out well the crucial importance of the authority of the father, who should wield an "almost royal power in the family."
We would suggest you read this article on the Submission of Wives to Husbands, following the directive of St. Paul: "Wives, be subject to your husbands." As the article notes, none of the Popes since Pius XII (and he, sadly, only very rarely) has spoken on the authority of the husband in the marriage. Thus, in today's family we find the man's authority seriously undermined, if not completely collapsed.
Unless there be a single head in a social organism, in this case, the father over the family, that institution will break down, which is what has happened in the last few centuries where Liberal and egalitarian ideas have dominated and prevailed.
When the Father, the head of the family, maintained his authority, over his wife and children, then families were as we saw them in the past: strong, sound and able to resist the most furious tempest. This is the family that the counter-revolutionary Catholic should aim to restore, it is one of the most basic and important steps toward the re-construction of a Christian Civilization.
Since you are not yet married, you still have the opportunity to leave the engagement if you find you cannot submit to your fiancé’s decisions in this matter that does, indeed, involve morals, and where he is taking a stricter - not looser - approach to modesty in dress than your own. This question of dress can providentially provide you the opportunity to reflect upon your role as wife and consider the submission you will owe your future husband, and help you to resolve to follow the sound Catholic customs and tradition that ordered the family - and society - so well in the past.
We hope this is of help to you.
Cordially,
TIA desk
Posted July --, 2022
______________________
______________________
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